SCENE 6:
Olympus – the Royal Palace of the Gods. Having been done up at the height of the Grecian Empire, the palace hasn’t seen much modernization. Lots of marble, lots of empty space, very little to do. Not even Hestia would think of it as home. Zeus plots with his faithful children.

Zeus: I can’t imagine that it will be much longer before they start to arrive. I did make it very clear that there will be a Council of the Gods. I can’t believe that little shrew of a wife hasn’t shown up to make my life miserable already. She of all people likes to be the first one to have an opinion about anything.

Eilithea: I’m sure mother will come soon. I hope Hermes isn’t too long about things, I do miss him terribly.

Zeus: Why?

Eilithea: Well, it’s just not the same, having him gone.

Zeus: I would hope that is all it is, I would hate to think of any daughter of mine behaving like a whore.

Hebe: I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way, father. Hermes is like a brother to us.

Zeus: And that should be all he is. I didn’t raise you two to throw yourselves at anyone who passes by. Your sister Hebe waited until Heracles had proven himself worthy of our her attention. And now, look at them, the happiest couple that could ever be.
(Hebe and Heracles smile at each other, the happy co-dependent couple. Eilithea looks very jealous)

Heracles: I am indeed the luckiest of men. It always saddens me that you, father, were unable to keep the joy you found with my mother because of your unfortunate marriage to Hera.

Zeus: You’re very sympathetic. I also have wished that, so many times. But I was young and foolish, Hera had managed to seduce me with charms, and I thought I had best wed this poor, dear girl who had suffered so much at the hands of our terrible father. You were much better prepared for marriage, having done so many manly deeds before settling up here.

Heracles: Indeed, my many labors helped me to realize how important family was, and I have never, like so many others, felt the need to leave my home on Olympus.

Eilithea: We have stayed with you, father. Because we are true and faithful children, who know what duty they owe their generous parent.

Zeus: And I am blessed with you all, my children. Still, we need to consult with your less affectionate brethren to ensure that we are all prepared for what will happen on Earth. I have come to reign again, and they should all be very useful in helping to attain that since they have spent so much time there. It is funny to remember all the way back, when the humans began their civilizations, it was much the same. The other Gods went in ahead to prepare them for me, and when it was time, I guided them to a better future. Now it is time for a different reign. Before, it was one region at a time, because of their primitive communication that was all that we could hold sway over. But now, this entire globe is connected, ruling one nation means ruling them all, and I will hold the world in the palm of my hand.

Heracles: But you will let each of us have a country to rule in your name, will we not?

Zeus: If you wish it, that may be the best thing. Which part would you like, my son?

Heracles: First pick? Won’t Apollo be jealous of that. I choose Macedonia, the birthplace of Alexander the Great.

Hebe: Oh, father, may I have Crete? I have always thought that island so beautiful.

Eilithea: And I would like Carthage.

Hebe: Carthage was burnt to the ground, dear sister. In the Roman days.

Eilithea: I’m sure they’ve made another city there. It was a very important place.

Hebe: But there’s no guarantee it would be anything like the Carthage that you remember.

Eilithea: Well, who’s to say that Crete looks anything the same? Or that Macedonia is still the birthplace of emperors and champions? You heard father, he said the entire world is connected now, there must be important people who don’t live near Greece.

Zeus: That is the key thing, Eilithea. It has been very long since I was on Earth, but they tell me that much has changed. We must prepare ourselves for an entirely new conception of things. The lesser Gods tell many tales of places called America, which is that big hourglass bit in the middle of the ocean. And they speak of strange occurrences, computers and worldwide webs of some sort. I suppose they are like transportation tubes that cross the globe, but I do not know how you would build such things over vast oceans.

Hebe: Why have you not gone there to see, father?

Zeus: I am the King of the Gods, I do not need to wear out my legs going and seeing. I have a multitude of servants who are my ambassadors and informants. Besides, I have infinitely more fun here on Olympus than I ever did on Earth. I am only going to establish my rule, and then I will come back here. I hope that you three, being my companions these few hundred years, will remain with me as the true guardians of my realm.

Eilithea: As you wish, father. We are happy here. This talk of webs has me a bit frightened. I detest spiders.

Hebe: I wonder, though, what things the humans have made. It was always good to go down and get new jewelry and things. I mean, the only Gods who are craftsmen are Hephaestus and Prometheus, and they always wanted to make silly things like viaducts, never anything useful.

Zeus: The Hecatonchires, those who have a hundred hands and fifty heads, are also craftsman. But you have never met them, because they live on the gates of Tartarus, where I banished my enemies at the beginning of time. Since then, the Hecatonchires have always been my faithful servants, but like Hephaestus are more concerned with making viaducts than necklaces.

Hebe: Did not you meet these beasts in your labors, my husband?

Heracles: I passed by that place when I was to meet with Atlas at the edge of the world, but I did not see those wild creatures that our father speaks of so often.

Zeus: So often? I have not spoken of the Hecatonchires for many months, I thought. Are my stories so boring that you have them all memorized, then?

Heracles: No, great Zeus, I was… I misspoke, I mean…
(he is saved by the arrival of Dionysus, who pops into the room and immediately bows to Zeus)

Dionysus: Great and powerful Zeus, I bid your welcome in my journey from the places of humans.

Zeus: Dionysus, you are thrice welcome to your original but neglected home.

Dionysus: But are these hundred years neglect? A mere pittance in the life of a God, and if my father comes to the Earth as he has promised, then we will be together once more. Tell me, Hebe, Heracles, Eilithea, how are my fair relations?

Zeus: We bore and tear at each other, too long alone in this great house. Your presence lifts my mood immensely, as you are always the center from which ecstatic diversions arise. I shall expect the best of entertainment over your stay.

Dionysus: And you shall have it, of course! I have learned a good many tricks about revelry over the past few years.

Zeus: What are you doing on earth, my son?

Dionysus: Ah, I’m a music video director! (all look blank) I… you watch television here? (blank) Right. Let me see, the humans, they have this sort of viewscreen that allows them to see things from many miles away.

Heracles: Like a telescope?

Dionysus: Right, exactly, only every house has one, and they’re not looking at space, they’re looking at, well, plays, really. Sometimes other things but mostly plays, and what I do is that musicians on earth make very short plays that are written to go with a certain song that they have, I give them ideas about their plays.

Zeus: Ah, so all of these plays are meant to worship you.

Dionysus: Not really. Most of the plays I have nothing to do with making, I just direct a small number of these musical plays that get shown on the television, the telescope thingy, well, I mean, on different channels…

Zeus: What do you mean, direct? In the old theater the director was a human, who worked as one of the company, and you inspired them from above.

Dionysus: Yeah, but you know, inspiration only goes so far. Now that we live like humans, I wanted to try it out for myself, so that’s absolutely what I do, I’m in there ten, twelve hours a day, setting up the shots, talking to the distributors, the whole routine. It’s really rewarding, and obviously, I’m kind of successful, so they even interview me for other shows, err, plays.

Zeus: Because you are a God.

Dionysus: Because I’m good at what I do. They don’t know that I’m a god.

Zeus: What? What is the purpose of that? All of your brothers and sisters out in the world doing the work of Gods, and you play at being a human? I knew your interest in theater would take you down the wrong roads, but this is ridiculous. Living like a human, it’s… unthinkable.
(long pause)

Dionysus: I am sorry that you are displeased, Zeus. But this is the way that all of us live, the Gods. We chose to… to see if we could even live like humans, several hundred years ago, as a game.

Zeus: A game? The pride of the Gods, and you treat it as a game.

Dionysus: It was Apollo’s idea.

Zeus: Then I will speak to him about it when he arrives. And where are the rest of the Gods? I told you all to come immediately.

Dionysus: Athena is on her way here even now. As for the rest, I think… they are perhaps trying to wrap things up on Earth.

Zeus: Wrap up? What is there to wrap up? The humans are now so important that they supercede the commands of the King of the Gods?

Dionysus: I believe that Hera wanted to see them before they came here.

Zeus: I might have known! Always trying to usurp my authority. Plotting behind my back, she has done it before, and she will apparently do it again. All the more reason for me to be on earth, to keep an eye on her. It’s too bad I couldn’t keep her locked up forever, perhaps it is not too late to send her to Tartarus where she can scheme with all of my other enemies.

Hebe: Perhaps she only wanted to see them to make sure that they would be ready to see you, father.

Zeus: Ready to see me? Rehearsed in their lies, you mean. I’m not shocked that she would intend this, but that any of the other Gods would follow suit is an insult that will not be forgiven. They will pay for this.

Eilithea: Maybe they did not understand, father, that you wish to see them right away. Sometimes Hermes is not so clear with his instructions.

Zeus: And it was just earlier you were telling me how much you missed and respected Hermes. You are as fickle as your mother, go to your room. The rest of you, go as well. I have nothing to say until these traitors arrive and ask for my forgiveness.
(they go, he simmers for a minute until a knock on the door). Yes?
(Athena enters)

Athena: My father, (bowing) it is an honor to see you once more.

Zeus: An honor? Clearly not so honorable that you couldn’t tear yourself away from living with your human friends.

Athena: I have displeased you, sire?

Zeus: You have all shamed the name of the Gods and proven yourselves unworthy of my guidance.

Athena: I do not understand. Not three hours ago Hermes gave me this message, and I came as soon as I could. I sent on Dionysus expressly to tell you that I would be arriving shortly.

Zeus: You did not wish to stay to talk to Hera?

Athena: Surely you know that she does not speak with me. I alone was not contacted for her conspiracies against you. She knows that I am not interested in what she or any other of the Gods do, I am always at your service alone.

Zeus: Is this the truth, Athena?

Athena: I cannot lie to you.

Zeus: Then I am comforted. You are still my faithful daughter, my oldest and dearest child, untouched by the unhappy fates of your brothers and sisters. It hurts me that you ever left Olympus.

Athena: I know. I never meant to be away for so long, but there were things that… I wanted to accomplish for you on earth. I wanted you to be proud of me.

Zeus: You have never had to prove yourself to me, my child. I have always respected and admired you.

Athena: (the hint of… a smile?!?!?!) Then I am indeed remiss in not coming more often to Olympus. I hope we will be able to make up for lost time… (looking scared that she has said too much) I mean to say, that until the others get here, perhaps we can… converse as once we did.

Zeus: It would be my greatest pleasure.