SCENE 19:
A balcony overlooking a side of the mountain. Zeus stands, lost in thought. Aphrodite slips out onto the balcony, and looks over the side and smiles at the view before stepping to the side.

Aphrodite: Penny for your thoughts.

Zeus: What?

Aphrodite: Ah, wrong expression, sorry.

Zeus: Am I doing the right thing, Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: About seeing the Fates tomorrow, you mean?

Zeus: About anything. Maybe I am old, and we’re past it now. The glory of the gods is a nice thing to talk about, but I’m not even sure what it means anymore.

Aphrodite: What do you want to see happen?

Zeus: I want to be able to look down at the earth and think that I have some place in it. I want to get off this mountain and have a real challenge for once. I want a companion who understands and appreciates me.

Aphrodite: That wouldn’t be me, then. I have you all figured out, sweetheart. Maybe you should try your wife, you’re a complete mystery to her.

Zeus: She never wanted to know me. She only wants what’s going to suit her purposes without having to bend or compromise in any way.

Aphrodite: Sounds like someone else I know.

Zeus: Did you come out here to lecture me?

Aphrodite: No. That’s a bit boring, if I wanted an argument I would go talk to my husband.

Zeus: And how is your husband doing?

Aphrodite: The same. Always a nose in a book or a new project, it’s nuclear fusion now. They’ll blow themselves up, the humans, especially with nuts like Hephaestus egging them on in the name of progress.

Zeus: There is a way to stop that. Give them a higher power to look to, guide them when they are in danger.

Aphrodite: It sounds nice, but I’m not sure if we can hack it anymore. Who am I to go around giving humans advice on cloning and biracial adoptions and in vitro fertilization and sadomasochism and everything else that’s associated with something that used to be as simple as just plain lust? I suppose part of that is Eilithea’s job, my job is the getting it on part, hers is the baby in your tummy part, but… you probably have no idea what I’m talking about.

Zeus: More than you think. I do pay attention to the earth, even if Hermes and the kids don’t. I’m familiar with the advances of modern medicine. And the decline of modern law. Any society that allows capital punishment but not homosexual marriages has some very odd priorities.

Aphrodite: Tell me about it. But marriage is Hera’s job, not mine. Not that she isn’t trying about that, mind you, but she’s – we all are – just one person. And Hera’s time is spent with money now. I think we’ve all lost sight of our Godheads. I’m a magazine editor, don’t know if you knew that, but I’m more concerned with the ad revenue than the kinky sex tips that should be my duty as a God. They’re all so crap now, the women’s magazines, all about losing weight and plastic surgery for under a thousand dollars.

Zeus: Subjects on which you have decidedly less expertise than actual humans. And yet, if you were once again the Goddess of lust and beauty, you would be able to set the fashions instead of reporting on them.

Aphrodite: But it’s not the same somehow. You don’t know what it’s like to be the Goddess of lust only because I was pretty enough for the job, never feeling like I have any real authority or use as a God. On earth, I assume bodies that are less than spectacularly attractive, and I can still have a really incredible career, and know that the accomplishment is one hundred percent from my attitude.

Zeus: You surprise me, Aphrodite. I never thought of you as the brainy, hard working type. Somehow the words ‘manipulative sex kitten’ were always more appropriate.

Aphrodite: That’s just it. That’s all I can ever be on Olympus, it’s not like there’s much intellectualism in making people’s dicks get hard. And sex is manipulative, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, so that’s part of what it is to do my job. But it’s not something that I have to do when I’m working on my magazine or any of the other hundred jobs I’ve had and done well.

Zeus: So you don’t want to be the Goddess of lust anymore?

Aphrodite: No, it’s not about that, black or white, yes or no. You’ve got to be more open minded about this, Zeus. You have to realize how much we’ve all learned and changed and how much the things we want are completely different. And if we choose to follow you, to go back to being proper Gods and Goddesses, it’s because that’s a change and it’s something new and not because we have any great desire to fix the lives of humans. We’ve all been in their shoes, and their lives aren’t easier to fix than ours. I mean, look at us all.

Zeus: I’m rather pleased. The first time we’ve all been together for a thousand years, and no one has stormed out swearing vengeance yet. If we can survive dinner and Dionysus’ big bash we might actually be able to stand being in the same group for the longest journey ever. I’ve done it before, it’s not a walk in the park.

Aphrodite: Fortunately. We’ll have less trouble if we’re all focused on doing some activity and not just getting on each other’s nerves. I’m more worried about tonight.

SCENE 20:
The hallways outside the kitchen. Hera is walking along toward her bedroom, looking irritable, she has just had a run-in with Athena. The kitchen door opens, and out stumble Hermes, Apollo, Ares, and Dionysus. They do not yet see her.

Ares: Well, you’d better be getting to Hades. I wouldn’t want you to miss our party.

Dionysus: The other party. It’s always a party.

Hermes: Not in Hades. I can promise you that whatever else is going on in Hades, it is not a party.

Apollo: Well, you run along in your magical sandals and you can come back and tell us.

Hermes: (snapping his fingers) I’m gone. (he disappears)

Ares: And I am going to take a walk in the garden (he goes straight into the next door. Hera notices this display and winces slightly, she does not say hello to Apollo and Dionysus.)

Apollo: Hera, where are you off to? (he starts to follow and Dionysus tags along)

Hera: (pausing but not turning around) I’m going to my room.

Apollo: Well, I was saying earlier that I should get around to fifteen minutes again, you remember that I used to spend fifteen minutes with every single god, and I used to come and rub your shoulders before supper.

Hera: I don’t think that will be necessary today, Apollo. I’m going to have a lie down, and we can speak at supper. (he looks a bit angry and spins on his heel and walks the other way to his own room which they have just passed. Dionysus notes this and decide to take it out on Hera).

Dionysus: O, wicked stepmother, can you stop for a moment?

Hera: (stops and turns) Yes, Cinderella?

Dionysus: (taken aback) I never knew you had a sense of humor.

Hera: That’s because you’re a drunk, darling. I doubt you know what color shoes you have on.

Dionysus: (looks down) Brown. I like brown. Good color. But I have something important to ask you. You see, I do remember that the last time you were on Olympus, you always had some complaint or other about my parties, and would tend to shut them down right when they got interesting. Now, I want to have a good, long party, and if you have a problem with it, than just don’t show up.

Hera: Dionysus, sober yourself up, I have no time for discerning your slurs. (he does instantly)

Dionysus: Apologies. The point remains, though, that your idea of prudent fun is somewhat contrary to my plans.

Hera: My idea of fun in the past was to get off of Olympus. Having done that, I could give a flying fuck what you bring for your party tonight. You can make it look like the set of your latest music video and I would not complain, I will just wander off somewhere else.

Dionysus: You don’t like the settings of my music videos?

Hera: They’re a bit misogynistic for my tastes.

Dionysus: They’re a bit misogynistic for my tastes, but when you’ve got four guys who never got laid in high school and they’ve finally got a budget for models and need to get played on MTV, you do what you’re told.

Hera: I don’t really buy that, your videos two years ago were amazing. You were the pioneer in making videos that weren’t about all of the 80’s excess and stiletto shoes, and now you’re telling me you can’t get a job anymore?

Dionysus: You know a lot about my work.

Hera: I pay attention to everyone. Besides, you’re a client of the bank. I know your history in this lifeline, and I know exactly how much you deposit into my bank so don’t fucking tell me you’re trying to squeeze by. You got lazy, and you didn’t stop to think that you were setting a bad example.

Dionysus: Because I’m a god.

Hera: Because you’re a human being. You don’t have to be a god to know what the right way to treat people is. I know that your Godhead is a bit more naughty than the rest of ours, but come on.

Dionysus: (looking very uncomfortable, finally says) I killed someone, Hera.

Hera: What?

Dionysus: During an aftershoot party, someone overdosed on drugs that I had provided. It was completely my fault, and it would have ruined my career. It did ruin it, they made me do what they wanted to, the companies, they own me now, because they covered it up. So now I have to play fantasy filler for all of the two hit wonders, and when I am very lucky, they throw me a group that I actually want to work with. I’m not ready to end this lifeline, but… it’s the first time I’ve considered suiciding a lifeline.

Hera: I’m sorry. There must be some way you can work without the companies on your back.

Dionysus: I could film porn, I don’t think you would like that much better.

Hera: Oh, I don’t know. I think some Hermes on Apollo action would sell rather well, don’t you?

Dionysus: Funny, we were just talking earlier… never mind.

Hera: About god-sex? As if the four of you ever talk about anything else, and then you always think we never find out about it? I’m just surprised you lot haven’t started up a scorecard to rank us all yet.

Dionysus: That’s a good thought, I might suggest that at our next bored meeting. I don’t really know you at all, do I?

Hera: People change. I’m willing to believe that even Zeus hasn’t been idle all these years, although I would be the last person he would ever show that to. And to be honest, I don’t want you to join on with Zeus’ reglorification scheme simply because you have some misunderstanding that I dislike you. You were meant to come to the meeting at Poseidon’s like everyone else. I’m not sure how that got crossed up.

Dionysus: I think you have my old cel. It was stolen, I think by one of the record companies, more character assassination. I probably sound a bit paranoid. I am the God of strong emotions, though, right?

Hera: And bad wine, and nasty parties, and flaky actors.

Dionysus: I think I’ve been cut off from theater by Apollo. He seems to think that the advent of musicals means that he can take over all dramatic production under his Godhead.

Hera: But then if you’re doing music videos, that would be his Godhead.

Dionysus: It’s confusing. Will you go apologize to him? I think you hurt his feelings, he really wants to get back to spending time with everyone like he did before.

Hera: I hope so, he’s the only one we can all get along with. I’ll talk to him later, though, I have a pounding headache.

Dionysus: I’m sorry. (he kisses her cheek) Feel better. (he turns and leaves, Hera smiles a curious sort of smile).

SCENE 21:
Hades. The party. No matter what Hermes thinks, Charon and Minos wasted little time in creating an all out bash to end all bashes. There are being, gods, and spirits strung out all over the rooms, the tortured are wandering around drunk, and Minos and Charon are sitting on a pile of cushions smoking large amounts of weed.

Minos: How long do you reckon we have before they come back?

Charon: Another day of partying and two to clean up. But this mess, we might need three days.

Minos: Yea. That’s a long time.

Charon: You are completely wasted. How are you supposed to bring order to the dead when you can’t even answer a simple question.

Minos: Who cares about the dead. They’re DEAD.

Charon: That’s what I always said, but it hasn’t gotten me a promotion. I’m so sick of being a goddamn ferryman. If I’d known growing up that all I was going to do was collect coins off people’s eyelids I would have drowned myself in a pile of shit.

Minos: Can’t do it. We’re gods.

Charon: I think if I spent a few hundred years thinking of nothing, I would lose all consciousness, which is the next best thing to dying. I mean, I’ve spent several hundred years thinking of next to nothing and being bored out of my skull, so I should know.

Minos: Yeah, they’re not real talkative on the boat, they don’t get chatty til they get here and realize this is eternity, might as well make the most of it.
(at this point Hermes pops in and looks around, completely in awe. He finally spots Minos and Charon and helps himself to a joint)

Hermes: Looks like I underestimated you boys.

Minos: Hermes? What are you doing here? Oh, god, is he coming back? (he struggles to get up)

Hermes: Nah. Don’t hurt yourself. They’re gone for at least another two days, they’re all going to see the Fates tomorrow. Actually, we’re all, and that includes you two.

Charon: What? We’re lesser gods, as Zeus likes to tell us any time he sees us. Just the bureaucratic cogs that keep this place moving. Nobody thanks us, nobody likes us, and nobody invites us to important things.

Hermes: Until now. Come on, you can get completely trashed at Dionysus’ party later on, right now you have to be presentable for din-din.

Minos: You think we’re crazy? Dinner at Olympus? The last time I went to one of those someone left the hall with a fork in their neck. Those gods are nuts. Fuck off, we’ll come later for the party.

Charon: Yeah, I dunno, we’ve got our own party.

Hermes: (impatient) Look, I don’t really like having to come out here and miss the fun I could be having with my brothers on Olympus. But I’m here now, so I’m going to make myself useful. First, sobriety. (he takes the nearest bottle and dumps it on their heads). Clean up.

Minos: (sobering self) That was unnecessary. I just washed my hair this morning. (he smooths it and it dries at his touch).

Charon: (equally sober) Let me guess, the second thing is to stop this party. (he makes a snap/point gesture and with a loud moan the souls whoosh back to where they are going, the tortured table resumes its form, etc.)

Hermes: Impressive.

Charon: They’re well trained. (three huddling forms remain in front of him) You lot, clean up the rest of this mess and return to your places by morning tomorrow, or when I get back I’ll give you a go on Ixion’s wheel.

Minos: We’re ready, Hermes. Do we get a ride on those magic sandals of yours?

Hermes: Yeah, hold on (he grabs their arms and they disappear. The three souls whimper, look at each other, and start picking up)