SCENE 10:
Hotel itself. Apollo knocks on a door. Hades opens it.

Apollo: Hallo, is Cephallenia up?

Hades: It’s a bit early. Why do you want to see her?

Apollo: I promised her I’d take her down to the beach to see the sunrise, she’s never seen it before.

Hades: (suddenly grasping it) I’ve been a little overprotective, haven’t I?

Apollo: I’d be the same way. My only children were humans, and it’s hard to get attached.

Hades: I see your children. They’re good people.

Apollo: Thanks.

Hades: I’ll get her, hold on.
(Apollo looks pensive, Hades comes back with a sleepy Cephallenia)

Apollo: Good morning.

Cephallenia: It’s really early.

Apollo: But it’s worth it. Come on, then. Hades, would you like to come out as well?

Hades: I’m trying to remember the last time I saw a sunrise. Why not. (coming out and closing door) Persephone’s out for the count, though. She was swimming like a river rat all night.

Apollo: Aren’t you glad we’re meeting here and not at Hera’s office in the middle of the city?

Cephallenia: I would have liked to see a city.

Hades: Well, now that you’ve met all the family, I don’t see why you can’t go and visit them every once in awhile.

Cephallenia: Really? That would be awesome.
(they are outside, the sky is lightening)

Apollo: I think if we go to the hill on top of the beach we’ll get the best view.

Cephallenia: What are we looking for anyway, will you point it out so I don’t miss it?

Hades: Trust me, this you’ll be able to see for yourself. Do you like it, so far?

Cephallenia: Yeah, it’s really different. I mean, I’ve read all those books and things but it’s not the same. I learned to do the backstroke last night and the doggie paddle. It’s what Cerberus does when he gets in the Styx.

Apollo: Unlike what Achilles did in the Styx.

Hades: Yes, I believe we call that the ‘baby plop’. An Olympic event, back in the day.

Apollo: They’ve started doing the Olympics again. You should see it, it’s really incredible.

Hades: I’ve thought about getting a television, but I was afraid for one thing all the lost souls would be in there arguing over which channel to watch, or that we’d just veg out on all our duties and sit there with our mouths open all day.

Apollo: Would you even get reception there?

Hades: Yeah, we’ve all got cel phones and I’ve got an old radio somewhere. But you know me, I’ve always been more of a bibliophile.

Apollo: The library at Hades is the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. If only Olympus could rival such respect for wisdom.

Hades: You don’t really need books, though, what with all that Oracle business.

Apollo: It’s much easier to see the future than to write a decent book, though. Do you read much, Cephallenia?

Cephallenia: Yes, all the time. I also talk to lots of the souls and they tell me stories. Sometimes I even get to talk to the people who wrote the books, which is really fun because they tell you what the story was supposed to be. Is it that red sliver that we’re looking at?

Apollo: Not quite yet.

Hades: You need to learn some patience. You wait two hundred years and now you want everything all at once.

Cephallenia: I was just asking. Is there a sunrise on Olympus?

Apollo: Yes, but it’s very different. On Olympus, it’s like you’ve above everything. And the sun is only there to answer Zeus’ call. Not like here, it’s feels as if it’s the birth of the world every day.

Hades: I never knew you hated it so much there. You were always so privileged, I assumed you were totally at home.

Apollo: I prefer a bit of a challenge, I suppose. And I never liked the arguments, people avoiding each other, always some new quarrel or conspiracy. After awhile even Artemis and I started fighting, I knew we had to get out of there. I couldn’t be like you, going off to Hades all on your own, just communing with things, I wanted to be surrounded by people but happy people.

Cephallenia: It’s amazing. It does this every morning?

Hades: Every single one. And in the evening, it goes down again and the sky turns purple and pink, and then the moon comes out. Maybe I should get out more.
(they sit in silence for a minute, staring at the sun. A speck walks along the beach and they see Hera)

Apollo: Hera?

Hera: (looking up to the cliff) Hello there, what are you all doing up?

Cephallenia: This is my first ever sunrise. It’s the best thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life.
(Hera climbs up to the cliff)

Hades: And what are you doing out so early on your own?

Hera: Walking, thinking.

Apollo: About this evening?

Hera: Not really. More about the past, what it used to be like on Olympus. I used to hate it because I thought it was so wretched we didn’t have any choice, we were all stuck there like bacteria in the petrie dish. And when we came to earth, I thought how lucky these humans are, to choose their friends and their futures. When you first suggested we live as humans, that’s what I wanted more than anything, that ability to do what I wanted for once, and to know that I was picking the people that I would spend my time with.

Apollo: That’s exactly why I suggested we do it.

Hera: But you know, it’s funny. I’ve been something like a hundred different people now, and every time, it’s the exact same. I don’t ever choose who my companions are, they’re put before me by the Fates. Whether it’s because we’re at the same university or choose the same career, it’s always like certain people get put in your way and never really leave it. Do you know it’s taken me hundreds of years to even tolerate this motley mess of Gods, and now that I’ve finally accepted that we’re all in this for better or worse, I realize how much time I’ve wasted. It’s like I don’t even really know anyone.

Hades: If you feel that you’ve been alienated, imagine how I’ve felt. I was told to go and look over this strange and disconnected realm that no one ever visited, and when I came home to find someone else to live there with me, Demeter throws the world’s biggest hissy fit. I mean, I know I was a loner, but… it would have been nice to have some visitors.

Hera: I feel terribly that I wasn’t there for you, Hades. I was so concerned with my own marriage, or lack thereof, to even think about you. You know, the five of us were strong growing up, so close. And then all of a sudden we got out of the stomach and forgot everything we had. We’re such selfish beings.

Apollo: But at least you’ve recognized what’s important now. And it’s never too late for us. When the humans get these feelings, it’s because of their own mortality. For us, we have forever to make up for the past.

Hera: But is forever enough to make up for the things that I’ve done?

Hades: No one blames you for the things you did because of that asshole you married.

Hera: You weren’t at the meeting, Hades. Hestia said I was emotionally incompetent to be a leader.

Apollo: I don’t think that’s what she meant. She just wanted to make sure that you knew that we are fighting Zeus’ plans, not Zeus himself. No one questions that you are our rightful leader, you are the Queen of the Gods.

Hera: Bullshit! I’m sorry, Cephallenia, but it is bullshit. I never asked to be the Queen of the Gods, that’s not something I ever sought out. That’s some shitty title because Zeus wanted to sweeten up my incarceration. You weren’t around then, Apollo, you don’t know what it was like. I was ready to go, the day the Titanomachia ended, I thought, the five of us would go and find a little corner of the world and Zeus could play at being the supreme ruler with Thetis or Metis or whoever he was fucking at the time. But it didn’t quite work out that way. I am not the Queen of the Gods, don’t ever call me that again. And if that really is why you lot respect my authority, then it’s meaningless, and you should find someone else to lead this thing.

Hades: Don’t be ridiculous, Hera. The reason we follow you is because you’re the only one who has enough ambition to get anything done. I do remember those days, very well, and I know the reason why Zeus chose you was because he knew that if he didn’t marry you, you would threaten his authority and probably usurp his power. You were already the Queen of the Gods, he just gave you the fancy title. And it’s certainly not Apollo’s fault that he gives you that sign of respect.

Hera: You are right. I’m sorry, Apollo. (she holds out her hand and takes his and kisses it). I saw Eros and Psyche down farther on the beach, I’m going to have a talk with them and perhaps will be able to get focused for this meeting. (she walks away and Hades shakes his head)

Hades: I know he’s your father, but sometimes I’d like to strangle him.

Apollo: Don’t worry, so would I. I wish I knew Hera before she married him.

Hades: She wasn’t this. Always passionate, always an emotional timebomb, but fiercely loyal and the best planner. It was pathetic that the spheres of earth, ocean, and soul-dwelling were allotted to the three of us because we were men. That was Zeus’ trickery, of course. But Hera would have been the best leader by far. And I wanted to ask her to help me with Hades but Zeus realized he needed a muzzle on her. Since then, it’s just been watching her slowly fall apart, until she finally left Olympus and started trying to get it together again. Living on earth has helped a lot, but she’ll never be the person I remember.

Apollo: I dread going back there. We’re already splitting apart at the seams. Hephaestus can’t even look at Aphrodite. Hera’s jumping down everyone’s throat, Demeter is back in sex kitten mode. (looking at Cephallenia) I mean…

Cephallenia: Do you want me to go back to the hotel?

Hades: No. I’ve protected you from all of this for too long. You wanted to come here, and it’s only fair that you should find out the bad with the good. Sister Demeter is a little insecure at the best of times, and completely compulsive at the worst. She’ll be impossible for the next few days, and I’ll get the brunt of it, because I’m the bastard who took her precious daughter away.
(Poseidon has come up behind them)

Poseidon: You are a bastard. But not because of that.

Hades: Thanks, bro.

Apollo: You’re up early.

Poseidon: I was going to say the same of you lot. You, I can see, they used to think you were the Sun God, but him, he likes his beauty sleep.

Hades: Not as bad as you are, stay out til all hours of the night and then sleep in until noon.

Poseidon: I used to, but lately I’ve gotten in this wretched habit of waking up at a decent hour. Especially today, it’s going to be a long day anyway.

Apollo: We were just discussing that. Hera is on the warpath already.

Poseidon: Little sister is not pleased that Hestia called her out last night. I agree, it was something Hestia should have brought up privately, she never should have questioned Hera in front of everyone like that.

Hades: You’re even more overprotective than I am. Hera can look out for herself where Hestia is concerned.

Poseidon: Yes, if they were one on one. But in front of everyone else, it just looked like Hestia was her mother. I love Hestia as much as anyone, but she can be so patronizing sometimes. And Hera doesn’t need the encouragement. She’ll swear up and down that she isn’t jealous of Aphrodite but whenever Aph is around, it’s like both of them have to prove to everyone how clever and wonderful they are. And having Aphrodite in the same room with Hephaestus and Ares is the worst idea ever.

Cephallenia: Do they both like her?

Hades: Not exactly. Hephaestus is her husband, but they don’t love each other anymore, it’s a long story. And Ares is her lover. I wasn’t around for it, but apparently he caught them in a net in his bed.

Apollo: It was quite funny at the time.

Poseidon: I wasn’t amused. I had to bribe Hephaestus to let them go. And there’s been trouble brewing ever since. What better time for them to explode than right now when we’re already stressed and distracted? I’m more worried about those three than Zeus and Hera. Zeus and Hera have been playing at diplomacy for so long that every thing they say to each other is scripted for perfect effect. If you think for one minute that either of them is out of control, you’re a fool. But with Aphrodite, she couldn’t act if her life depended on it. Ares is pure spleen, and Hephaestus has more hatred built up than any God ever created.

Hades: It’s surprising considering his father.

Apollo: Zeus is pretty hateful. I can speak from experience, that’s part of the inheritance.
(Poseidon and Hades look at each other)

Hades: Zeus isn’t Hephaestus’ real father. But Zeus doesn’t know that, so the two of you (including Ceph) must swear never to reveal this.

Cephallenia: I wouldn’t tell him.

Apollo: I give you my word. But, who is his father?

Poseidon: The lovely lovey Eros. When Hera had recovered from getting Aphrodite’d and married, she went to cry on the shoulder of Eros, who incidentally, Demeter was completely in love with. Needless to say, Eros is the God of love, and so he managed to fall in love with Hera for long enough to get her pregnant before Psyche came to earth and suddenly Hera was yesterday’s news.

Hades: Not that she’s ever gotten over him. She wandered off to go find him and Psyche just now, in fact.

Poseidon: I don’t trust that man, I wish he would leave us all alone. Anyone who tosses over both of my little sisters is trouble in my book.

Apollo: He can’t really help who he is, though. He loves people, that’s his blessing and his curse. I don’t think any of us quite escaped the power of Eros.

Poseidon: I hadn’t realized he got to you as well. But at least you’ve gotten over it.

Apollo: Never quite. But then, I’ve been singularly unfortunate in all my romantic endeavors, so I focus on my work instead.

Hades: It’ll happen some day. There are many ages yet for lesser gods to come into the world.
(Nathaniel walks up)

Nathaniel: What about lesser gods? What did we do now?

Poseidon: You left the burner on all night for one thing.

Nathaniel: I wasn’t using the burner last night.

Poseidon: No? Must have been the help, then. You’re up early.

Nathaniel: Yeah, I just didn’t want to miss all the excitement. I saw Hera and Psyche and Eros, they’re having a powwow about, let me see if I’ve got this right, communing with the universal agents of the Pre-Born.

Hades: (immediately interested) Can they do that?

Nathaniel: I don’t know, I left before I could get even more confused.

Hades: The Pre-Born are Gaea, Chaos, Nyx, the Fates. I have communed with Chaos, but his influence is very limited. If we were able to commune directly with Gaea, perhaps we would not have to worry about coming to war. Eros came into being alongside Gaea, and Psyche is her daughter from another universe I think, so they should be able to talk to her. Or else, if we could convince the Fates of the importance of things…

Poseidon: Easier said than done. They had done with us after Zeus tricked them a few too many times. Although, I don’t think he really pulled the wool over their eyes as much as he thought he did, they are omnipotent. Still, they sure have been a long time coming with payback.

Hades: Perhaps not much longer, though.

Apollo: Can we talk to them?

Hades: Yeah, sure, if you really want to travel to the edge of the world, ride the sun to the deserts of night, pass through the future, or have I got it wrong? No, you pass through the possibilities of the future, and then you end up in the true Elysium where you may petition them by sleeping out on their doorstep for five days without eating or drinking or speaking. Then if they decide to talk to you, you’ve got all of ten minutes to present your case initially, whereupon they will send you to the library to go and write up your request in triplicate, of course, twenty page minimum with footnotes referencing previous applicable cases in divine law.

Apollo: That easy?

Hades: It’s not that it’s necessarily difficult, it’s just damned time consuming, and no one can be bothered. Still, if it comes to that, one of us will have to do it.

Poseidon: We should keep it open as a possibility. I fear that Hera also has the Tartarus option in her mind. Has she asked you yet?

Hades: No, but she knows I could. And probably would.

Apollo: Could what?

Hades: I have learned from Chaos the secrets of Tartarus, and if I choose, I can release the Titans therein. They have actually mellowed with age, and are quite ready to come out and make it up to us, or so they say. They do, however, have one caveat, and that is they would have to put Zeus in Tartarus in their place. Can’t say why of all of us they hate him the most, but they do. Actually, I can easily say why, but I’ve had a couple thousand years to find out and they were clever enough to make that judgment after a few hundred I think.

Poseidon: You exaggerate brother. The Titanomachia lasted several million years.

Hades: I choose to exaggerate. I prefer not to reminisce.

Poseidon: You were young and easily affected. And this is what will happen again, if the Olympomachia begins, it will not end overnight. Generations of humans will live and die as we fight over their eventual destiny.

Hades: It doesn’t have to be that long if we take the Tartarus option.

Nathaniel: But would putting Zeus in Tartarus really solve everything? I mean, he has the other Olympian gods, and probably one or two of the Gods here wouldn’t be so happy if he were imprisoned, plus all the lesser gods. Surely someone would try to get him out, and then we’d be back where we started.

Apollo: That’s a very prescient point, and one I think we have been trying to ignore. Most of us have dwelt on the Zeus part of things without speaking of the rifts that will be created among the entire body of gods. And I know from the way Olympus was organized that we’re all going to get very caught up in this argument over first generation, second generation, lesser gods, and all the hierarchies that suddenly become meaningful when the loyalty of all the Gods are called into question.

Cephallenia: That means not even Hades is going to be a safe place anymore. We have just as much to lose as everyone on earth.

Hades: Yeah. I’m glad I brought you here, your generation may be the inheritors of our war instead of our glory.

Poseidon: If you ask Ares they’re the same thing.
(Artemis comes running along the beach)

Artemis: Hurry, there’s a meeting at the hotel.

Apollo: What’s happened?

Artemis: Nothing bad, but Dionysus is here, with news from Olympus. We’d all better get there before his attention span runs out. Where are Hera and Eros?

Hades: Down that side of the beach with Psyche.

Artemis: No, Psyche’s back at the hotel. I’ll go find them, you lot get back there. (Poseidon and Hades exchange an unhappy glance and all head to the hotel)

SCENE 11:
The hotel’s rather cheesy dining room. All are assembled. Hermes sits off to one side eating from a couple of buffet platters. Dionysus is seated cross legged on the white grand piano. The rest of the Gods are scattered across a few tables. Poseidon, Hades, Apollo, Nathaniel and Cephallenia come in, out of breath from running.

Poseidon: Make yourselves at home, boys.

Hermes: No problem.

Dionysus: Nice place, Poseidon. Everyone here?

Apollo: Artemis is getting Hera and Eros.

Dionysus: I haven’t got all day, I have to get back to Olympus before Zeus notices I’m gone.

Poseidon: That’s scarcely our concern.

Dionysus: Hey, look, I’m here to help you, if you guys don’t want my help, I can leave.
(from the door)

Hera: That won’t be necessary. We’d like to know what you have to say. (Eros follows her in).

Dionysus: Thank you, oh great Queen. (Hera ignores this slight and grabs a drink before sitting down casually, feet up on the table). Obviously I just came from Olympus. Zeus doesn’t really know that much about what we’ve been doing. I told him we were living as humans and he completely flipped out. He thinks that we’re all smirching the honor of the Gods and acting as turncoats to our heritage and… whatever else. Athena came in yesterday evening and I thought had calmed him down but then last night I came out again and it was fireworks. So I don’t know what you lot are up to, but I’ll tell you he’s pissed at all of us, and it’s not going to be pretty when you show up two days late from his proclamation in a conspiratorially large group. I’d watch out if I were you.

Hera: How kind of you to warn us, what’s in it for you?

Dionysus: Sorry?

Hera: I seriously doubt you came all of the way from Olympus to warn us against Zeus’ notorious bad temper. Something suggests to me that you want us there to take the heat off of you. Don’t worry, we’re coming. In fact, I think it’s a bit ridiculous to plan our approach to Zeus if he’s just going to be in a pissy mood anyway, so we might as well head out now. And objections? (shake heads, shrugs, etc.)

Poseidon: Well, won’t this be fun. (all fade from view)