SCENE 29:
Athena’s offices. It is several months later, the start of spring. Outside, soldiers practice marching in formation. Inside, there are no more tourists and now are only an overabundance of guards. In the large room that once held the parliament, Zeus and co. have taken over. It is now a combination of altars, beds, and such. Neither Eilithea nor Hermes have returned since Christmas. Ares, Zeus, and Athena are in heated discussion at a large table in the middle of the room. Hebe sits at the edge of the room, holding up new dresses into a mirror. It is unclear whether she is shopping or owns these garments, either way she is killing time. Heracles is off on the other side of the room cavorting with two women.

Ares: I don’t want to use nukes either, Athena, I’m not stupid. We can have a contained war.

Athena: That’s bullshit and you know it. There never has been a contained war, there’s never been a safe war. It was different when the only way to solve problems was to knock somebody else over the head, but I like to think that things have come farther than that now. None of this is necessary, and a lot of people are going to be killed for no reason.

Zeus: The ascension of the gods can hardly be called no reason. Human lives are a drop in the ages of our own, and we are doing this not for this generation of humans, but those that will live a hundred years from now. Surely you remember the decades we spent working with the early Greeks, weaving legend into reality and back again, turning humans into gods and singular events into epic tales. We cannot lightly tread on the human mind in this day and age, with communication so quick and prevalent. It will take even longer to insist to this culture that we are what they know, what their parents knew, what was always a part of their culture. We have that time. Humans do not.

Athena: Which is precisely why we shouldn’t waste their short lives on a fool’s errand. You speak to me of patience and yet your entire plan of action is to go rushing into a war that is neither advisable nor necessary. I have let you plan this thing in the hopes that you would see the error of your way, but failing that I must say to you, I won’t do it. I won’t order that war, and I am the leader of this country. If you can convince a group of obsessed religious crusaders to do your bidding, go right ahead. But the political end of this war is over.

Zeus: You would deny me now, after leading me on with your obedience and cooperation? Perhaps you might have mentioned your misapprehensions earlier, when I could have found an alternate plan, but now we are too far in to give up that easily. What would it look like to the rest of the world that we arm our troops and prepare for battle, and then suddenly disappear. It would be presumed that we were making a hidden attack, and that would have the entire world clamping down on this little country you think so much of.

Ares: I hardly think that would happen. With the state of military intelligence, they would know where the troops went. There aren’t any secrets anymore. Which is the real challenge. How do you play chess when everyone already knows your moves.

Athena: This is hardly a chess game.

Zeus: Precisely. It is no game at all. We fight to win, we do not give up in the middle and say ‘tomorrow at noon we can finish up.’ Do you honestly think that you can walk away from this war, from us, from everything, and just run for re-election like a real human being, and have people vote for you because they like you? You won this position because you are a god, Athena, and you have ambition and force and powers that humans could never compete with, even if you did not actively indulge in those powers. You did not win a popularity contest, no one made you Prime Minister because they wanted to have a chat over wine with you. Why don’t you just abandon you dreams of martyrdom to an adoring populace and admit that your lack of personal support has everything to do with your own personality and your stubborn refusal to show any emotion besides interminable pissiness.

Ares: I really can’t see how Athena’s personality has anything to do with this.

Zeus: Can you not? Well, go on, Athena, go and save the humans from evil daddy. You want to be needed, don’t you? They need you now, or I will ravage them. I will eat them in the way my father ate his own children. You’ve spent too much time with Hera and her kin, always accusing me of things that I have no truck with.

Ares: What Athena challenges you on are your plans for humanity, by your own admission. I will stand behind you if you bring the humans to war, with or without Athena’s help, but I will not sit here and watch you attack her because she feels differently.

Zeus: And what will you do instead?

Ares: I can leave.

Zeus: To go crawling back to your mother? Do you think she would speak to you now?

Athena: At least Hera has the capacity to forgive. Unlike you, you haven’t changed, nothing is remotely unique to you, always the same lies and turmoil, the same fucking drama. You want everyone to live in some fucking tension so you can come up and play us off against each other, and you get to be the one who presses buttons. I don’t need that. And I don’t care about your plans for humanity, you can take it all, have this fucking country if it’s what you want, I’m not going to stand in your way. But I will not stay here, and I will not come back to speak to you, and since you are incapable of apology, then I suppose I will not be seeing you for a very long time. If there was a hell I would wish you to rot in it. (she spins on heel and marches off for a few steps before transmigrating and disappearing).

Zeus: That’s typical.

Heracles: She’s just overreacting, just like a woman.

Hebe: Oh, really? Is that what we do? We devote our entire lives to making you comfortable and happy, take you into our homes and our families, and then when you turn on us with your little whores you say I’m overreacting?

Zeus: Oh, shut up, both of you. Save your marital disintegration for your own bedchamber. Ares, when are you ready to march these armies?

Ares: You just chased my sister out with such passion she’ll probably never speak to you again, and all you can ask is when we can go play swords? Sometimes, Zeus, you cross the line. I’m going for a cigarette. (he gets up and strides across the room, Hermes appears in a shadow)

Heracles: Oh, yeah, everybody has to be going.

Hermes: Not exactly, I’m just coming back.

Zeus: And about time, at that. Where have you been, my little messenger?

Hermes: Around. What’s new?

Zeus: Athena left, got herself into a huff and became a typical emotional female, there was no handling her. She’s getting to be more like Hera every day. (this makes Hermes look distinctly uncomfortable)

Hebe: (walking over the table and slamming her fist on it, then puts both hands under it and hurls the table across the room) Female, is it? Have you ever stopped to consider that the problem might be you? I’m the perfect daughter, the perfect fucking daughter, and I’ve never gotten anything from you. (turns to Heracles) and YOU! You despicable little piece of shit, there are no words for you! I hate all of you, I’m going back to Olympus. (she turns as if to go and then turns back as Ares re-enters the room) No, I can’t back to Olympus, that’s the first place you’ll turn when your sojourn on earth fails miserably and you have to come cry yourself to sleep. I’m not going anywhere you’ll find me, or them, or anyone, I don’t want to ever see any of you again! (she disappears)

Ares: What the hell is that about? What did you say to her?

Zeus: I said nothing to her, nothing, ask Heracles.

Heracles: He just said something about women overreacting, and she proved his point quite admirably, I thought. Tough luck her leaving, how am I going to get a divorce if I can’t even find her?

Ares: Hermes, you’re back. Where were you?

Hermes: Around.

Ares: Just around. (he looks like he’s about to lash out, but saves it) And now Hebe and Athena are gone. Which leaves four of us, or does it even leave four of us, Hermes?

Hermes: I never wanted to take over the world. Anyway, I came to say good-bye. It’s been fabulous working for you, Zeus, but you don’t need somebody with sandals anymore, and I’m through with it.

Zeus: You’re leaving me? (he looks shocked and hurt) But there’s no need for you to go, I have always… I don’t understand why you would want to go now, after staying on Olympus for hundreds of years, after everything we’ve been through.

Hermes: It’s a little too safe on Olympus. I haven’t really had anything to care about for a few thousand years, it all starts to blend together after awhile. I’m not committed to what you’re doing now. That doesn’t mean I’m going to rush off and never come back. I’m just spending some time away. Please don’t be angry with me.

Zeus: You’re the only person who hasn’t yelled at me since this whole mess began. How could I be mad at you? Do what you will, Hermes, you know where to find me.

Hermes: Thank you. Ares, she will forgive you if you ask for it. (he goes)

Zeus: (tiredly) You will ask her, I suppose.

Ares: Yeah.

Zeus: We’re not going to win, are we?

Ares: No, but I didn’t come to win. I came for the blood and circuses part.

Zeus: It was a lot easier then, wasn’t it? I remember the look on Apollo’s face the first time he saw the chariot races. He and Hephaestus were the best, the two snobbiest little shits I’ve ever seen, going on about gratuitous violence and the ruin of civilization.

Ares: That was a laugh, after some of the things they’d done. They’re still like that.

Zeus: Hephaestus has never been violent, though. I think that’s his father’s influence more than anything, Eros wouldn’t pick a fight even for justice and right. (Ares looks like his jaw just came off, and he looks terrified to say anything) Yes, I know. I didn’t always, of course, but after a time you find things out. I can’t very well be angry with Hera after my own affairs, well, I mean, I can sure as hell be angry with her in public, but I’m not going to waste my time thinking about it. He’s a good lad, he tried to be a dutiful son, you all did I suppose.

Ares: You’re taking all of this rather well.

Zeus: I have to. It’s over. Part of being a good ruler is knowing when you’re in too far to make a difference, and I would only be wasting my time by trying to take my plans any further. Best to abandon them now and find some way to salvage things. I assure you that the Fates have arranged this failure to humble, and most likely humiliate me. So, I take the humility, that is acceptable. But I choose not to be a beggar to them, and I choose not to let myself be taken in as the horrible daddy monster that everyone gets to hate in the end. (at this point Nemesis walks in from seemingly nowhere)

Nemesis: Very good. It’s always a pleasure to destroy your life, Zeus, you take things so well.

Zeus: Nemesis, how are you love?

Nemesis: Enjoying your fall from grace. You might be reflective now, but think of going back to Athena and asking for her forgiveness, or looking into the triumphant face of Hera. Do you think you can really stay so calm and conscientious then?

Zeus: I should hope not. Some things do not change, and a scene with my impossible wife will cheer me up a great deal. As for Athena, she needs to sort her own life out before anything else. Just as Hebe needs to sort out hers, and Heracles his, and Hermes his, and I very much doubt, Ares, that even you are exempt. We are all of us just as messy and melodramatic as everyone else, so while the other gods may lord their temporary edge over me for a few years, that will hardly sustain them.

Nemesis: Do not think that your debt to the Fates has been fulfilled, Zeus. I do not speak for them, but I know their intentions. You are wise to give up now, and wiser still to make your peace with your family, but even the best of wisdom cannot make up for the follies of youth. At any rate, I have seen all that I need to in this place. (she disappears)

Ares: Well, I think I had best go apologize to my mother.

Zeus: I’d ask you to wait. I have to go talk to the old girl myself, and I’d appreciate you letting me ruin her day first.

Ares: Whatever you need to do. Just give me a call when you’re done tormenting her.

Zeus: As you wish. Heracles, are you going to sit there pretending to fuck those two whores or are you going to go and beg mercy from your wife?

Heracles: I no longer have a wife, you heard her.

Zeus: Then go and do something useful with your life. You’ve been a lazy git for far too long. (disappears)

Heracles: What a cunt. No wonder we’re all such fuckups with a father like him.

Ares: I think we can make our own lives, Heracles. And you really ought to go and make one yourself. It’s been a long time since you had anything worth bragging about. Come on, I’ll show you around your new home.

Heracles: Why would I stay on earth when I can go back to Olympus?

Ares: Give me a few hours, bro, and see what you say then. (Heracles considers, finally shrugs, and they pop off. The girls stop being pouty sex objects)

Girl #1: Do ya think he left his wallet?

SCENE 30:
The Fates’ home. They are sitting in the garden, one of them knitting, one reading a book, and the third chatting on a cel phone. Nemesis enters with a grin on her face.

Nemesis: Congratulations, the world is safe.

Clotho: Is that all? I thought for sure you’d pulled.

Lachesis: So how is our Zeusy Woosy?

Nemesis: I think he’s succeeded in pissing off just about everyone. It was refreshing.

Atropo: Not very difficult, though, surely. That lot gets angry with the drop of a hat. Still, it was coming to him. It is nice to see what goes around get there eventually.
(Psyche and Eros enter from the columned walkway at the side)

Psyche: It was indeed nicely done. You are in fine form.

Clotho: As are you both, we couldn’t have managed it without you.

Eros: You could have managed it, I’m sure, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as vicious. You need us to come up with the nasty bits.

Atropo: Very true. Daughters turning on their fathers. And still they believe that you two are just sappy old lovers. I suppose it is best for us as the oldest Gods to maintain our distance.

Nemesis: Does get a bit boring at times.

Psyche: Oh, I’m sure you’ll go down to earth and say hello to Minos and won’t be very concerned about boredom for some time. And we will go and visit our mum and Chaos in their new homes. They always want the latest gossip.

Lachesis: Send them our love. It is so rare that we have time to go anywhere. Although I suppose you two could be harder at work than you are.

Eros: Most of our work is done by our existence, not our efforts. That is the benefit of being older than the universe. Even our little cousin Nemesis must work for her supper.

Psyche: I don’t think the younger gods could handle it, they are always trying to make problems for themselves. And their pets – their humans – are even worse. Completely oblivious to the concept of time.

Clotho: That’s what happens when you don’t have enough of it.

Nemesis: You’ll excuse my impatience, but I think I will return to earth, for some unfinished business.

Lachesis: Finish it, girl. We will be here upon your return. Any time you return. (Nemesis disappears)

Atropo: Any time at all. After the stars explode and take the other gods with them, we will still be here.

Eros: Although, I must admit, however many times that the suns have come and gone with their hosts of gods, I’ve never had as much fun as I have with this bunch.

Psyche: I wouldn’t worry about losing them. Something tells me not even a supernova means very much to Zeus and Hera. Even young gods become old gods, after a while.

Clotho: Then what do old gods become?

Lachesis: Drunk. Do pass the champagne.

Atropo: What have we to celebrate? The arguments of the gods are hardly our concern.

Eros: They are nothing to you, but we are new at this fate business. A toast, to making new friends and old enemies.

Psyche: Only among the Fates will Love drink to vengeance, after Vengeance has left to find love.